August 1, 2007 — Editor’s Note: This is a series of first-hand accounts of lives touched by drugs here in Carter County. The names will be changed to protect identity.



While reading the recent story about the brother lost to drugs, I realized it was time to tell my story.

I am a recovering drug addict – clean for two years – but I fight everyday with the demons that want me to begin using again.

My addiction began while in high school with the use of Marijuana. It is the gateway drug to other highly addictive substances.

I met a man who also was using and we decided to get married. My parents were not pleased and basically threw me from the family. I began college while in my first year of marriage and became pregnant. I did stop using for a little while, and thank God my child was born drug free.

After the birth, the drugs addiction turned to pain medications and Valium. I couldn’t’ get enough. I would buy all I could and then buy more. I eventually gave my child away and divorced but continued using. Drugs were more important to me at the time than being a mother.

I actually had a job and the facility I worked at offered me access to a drug cabinet. Well, it didn’t take long for the bosses to catch me on camera taking pain and nerve pills. I lost my license to practice in the medical field.

That was just an open door to a life of destruction and a wide-variety of drug abuse.

I began going from place to place just to have a bed and a bite of food. I would steal from anyone I could, just to feed my drug habit. I also would go from job to job. I would work only a short time before I’d get caught stealing money from a register or from someone’s purse.

Along my destructive path of life, I was making enemies by the dozens. But I didn’t’ care at the time, I only wanted to get my fix.

One night while extremely high, I drove my car into a crash that nearly took my life. I was thrown through the windshield and literally scalped. My mouth was disfigured and many my teeth were either busted out or broken off to the gums.

I was without insurance and had damaged another person’s property during the wreck. The cost added up to nearly $30,000 in damages. I was arrested and spent time in jail. But, that didn’t stop me. I continued to steal, cheat, lie and hate anyone who got in my way of buying the drugs I needed to feed my habit.

I was in jail several more times and in and out of various drug clinics to satisfy my family. I was the black sheep and it seemed they all hated me. What I didn’t know at the time was that they did love me and just wanted me to live.

As years rolled by, I would on occasion call my son and ask how he was doing. He had grown resentment to me, and I didn’t really blame him. I met a man and he became my companion and drug buddy for five years. Both of us would work odd jobs to feed our habit. I loved him, but our relationship was completely wrong.

Even though we were together as a couple, I kept eating pills and stealing to get money. I also tried Meth and really liked it. I went very quickly from 132 pounds to 79 pounds. I looked like walking death.

The end of my rope was in sight, when I walked into a pharmacy (in another state) with a forged prescription for OxyContin. Here I was on probation and trying to fill a fake prescription. It didn’t take the police long to get there. I was arrested and went before a judge. He had no mercy. And when I look back - I see he was a blessing.

I was ordered into a yearlong drug program where I had to go and stay at this facility. I wasn’t allowed to leave or to have phone calls unless the staff screened them. I could only have visitors one day each month and that was only for 30 minutes.

I didn’t want to do it, but I had no choice. I was given an ultimatum, the program or two years in a women’s penitentiary.

I went through the program, but the first few months were the worst. While going through detox - I prayed to die.

It was the worst feeling I’ve ever had in my life. Getting off powerful painkillers and Meth is not easy. I can remember vomiting and screaming to die. I was tied down during the really violent moments.

Finally my body accepted the detox. How glad I was for that. While serving my one-year sentence in the detox center, my long time companion overdosed on Methadone and died. I was not allowed to leave the facility to attend his funeral. Even though he was an addict also, I still loved him.

People who are already addicted to painkillers must go get help. Yes, it’s the most difficult thing you can go through. but it will save your life. It’s certainly all worth it.

I’m drug free, but now I suffer from Graves Disease. And, I do honestly believe my years of drug addiction caused me to get the disease. It attacks and destroys your thyroid. My eyes are bulged from their sockets and I’m sick all the time. I am taking medications, but I worry about how long I will live.

What teeth I had left all rotted and I had to have them removed. I’m only 37 but I look like a woman in her 60s. The drugs and a life of abuse have aged me so much.

For those who are just dabbling in drugs or have never taken them – Please, please stop and think about what you are doing. I promise you it’s a guaranteed death sentence. I know my life has been shortened by many years.

Yes, I have been reacquainted with my child. But I know he resents me for the years I was not with him, and I don’t blame him.

I even remarried and now have another child. She was born perfectly drug free and healthy. But, I fear that I won’t live long enough to raise her and that really scares me. I did wrong with my first child, and I only want to make this one right.

To those addicted to drugs, there are places to get help. It will be so very difficult, but your life is worth what you will have to go through. I am very proud of myself.

But, I look back and cry when I can’t remember most of my life. And, what I do remember is bad. That’s what drugs do, they will snatch your life and there is no way to get it back.



NOTE: Those who are or have been addicted to drugs or have suffered loss due to the drug addiction of others are invited to send their story to mhogan@journal-times.com fax to 474-0013 or drop off at the Grayson or Olive Hill offices.