August 22, 2007 — Editor’s Note: This is a series of first-hand accounts of lives touched by drugs here in Carter County. The names will be changed to protect identity.



Before I begin my story of my life and experiences with drugs and alcohol, I would like to say a little bit about myself. I was born and raised in Carter County. I came from a large family with eight brothers and four sisters. I had a loving mother who served God for as long as I could remember. My father was stern. I was taught right from wrong with a good moral background.

At a very young age I was given beer by an older brother who laughed at me and thought I was funny. As I grew older, I stole it. I liked the way it made me feel. At 12, I began to sneak up at night and steal money from my hard working father. I had found someone I went to school with who had given me pot to smoke. I began to like that too and stole to buy it. This was in 1968, so this stuff has been out there for a long time and I'm sure way before I was ever introduced to it. But this is the way it started. I thought I was having fun.

I married and left home at 14. After becoming pregnant, my first child was born at age 15, my second at age 17, my third at age 19, and my fourth at age 21. All through these years I was drinking. At age 22, I had cancer. After surgery and treatment, I stopped taking pills and drinking for almost eight years. I took my children to church and felt so good about life and myself. All of a sudden I went into a state of depression. The doctor put me on Valium. Once again I got hooked on pills. Soon after, my husband and I separated. I ran a truck into a brick wall trying to kill myself.

After I got out of the hospital, my husband and I got back together and left the state for a new life. I was so tired of what I was putting my children through. I thought if I got away from the people I ran with, who did the same things I was doing, I would be all right. But after we were there a few months, the vicious cycle began again. Only I met people with cocaine and acid this time and things only got worse for my family and me. I got into trouble and thrown in jail. After a year of court battles and attorney fees, the state of Ohio let me go on the condition that I leave the state. I was put on five years probation and left.

All through these years, I did hold jobs and work hard to help provide for my family. I cooked for them when they were hungry, bathed them when they were young, cleaned the house, did the laundry, and got the children to school. This made me think that I was a good mother. I did love my children with all my heart, but I really was not there for them. I put them through pure hell and today I know that.

I came back to Kentucky and moved to Elliott County. Things were good again for a while. Soon I started drinking again, same old thing. After two and one half years we moved back to Carter County. Things changed again shortly after we moved, this time for the better.

This time I met some wonderful people who went to church. I started taking my children again and got really close with my mother again. I spent my time with family and my new friends. For the first time in a long time, I was happy. My mother became very ill. I began to drink again. Then my father became ill. I kept on drinking, but just a little, I told myself to be able to deal with it.

Then something devastating happened. My father died and five weeks later my mother died. The doctor put me on Xanax to deal with it. I drank with them and any other drug I could get my hands on. After a few years of this, I got sick of it. I would pray for God to let me die. I would drink so much that I thought that I was going to die. Then I would pray for God to let me live. This all led to another overdose. This time I almost didn't survive.

I got out of the hospital and went to a drug and alcohol counselor who told me about her young brother who had drank himself to death. Her mother lost her will to live and died of a broken heart. It touched me so. I went to an AA meeting with her and met wonderful, caring people there. The principles they taught let me back to God over four years ago. Here I am today at age 51 with four married children and 11 grandchildren to tell you there is hope. If you have never tried drugs or alcohol, please don't. If you have, then please stop. If you are addicted, then ask for help. Life is short.

I just recently went through a battle from pain pills the doctor had given me for back-related injuries. This time, it was different. I have God. I ask for help. God has set me free. Whom the son sets free is free indeed. God put someone in my life from the AA meetings and in the same age as I am with the same problem. I have been blessed with not only a true friend, but also a wonderful sister. She is also in church with me and we enjoy helping others. I am truly happy. Just ask for help. There is someone there to help you. God is still on the throne.

Be blessed!



NOTE: Those who are or have been addicted to drugs or have suffered loss due to the drug addiction of others are invited to send their story to mhogan@journal-times.com fax to 474-0013 or 286-4201, or drop off at the Grayson or Olive Hill offices.